You are a parent in 2019. Avengers: Infinity War keeps popping up every time you turn on Netflix, everyone talks about the new one Captain Marvel trailer, and now your children ask for these things. The problem is that you have absolutely no idea of the Marvel films because you have lived a rich and full life that does not involve obsessively collectible figurines, as a casual example of anyone in particular.
Anyway, I'm here to help. And before you think, "Wait a minute, this guy was not used to writing jokes about Kim Kardashian's ass?" I'm also a parent! I have a 12-year-old son and a 7-year-old daughter, so one of my children has practically grown up with Marvel movies (and loved all of them) while the other is slowly entering the mix. So, despite my daring career as a writer, I'm actually the most boring dad in America. I'm talking about checking the reviews of Common Sense Media before letting my spawn look at something, my hobbies include wearing a cardigan, and later today I'll be too excited for an advanced Hickory Farms sausage in the fridge.
But on a serious note, respect that you are here. Many of us have grown up with that kind of detached style 80's parent, and just like whatever the hell we're doing now, it has its advantages and disadvantages. But at the end of the day, there's a real feeling in the air that we're all trying to get more involved in our children's lives. Perhaps it is "parenting of the helicopter", or maybe some of us feel too lonely growing up and do not want our children to have the same feeling of isolation. I honestly do not know, and I'm probably getting too deep for a rundown on Marvel movies.
So here's what will happen. I'm going to briefly address the questionable content of each of the Marvel Cinematic Universe films, so that parents can have an idea of their own. For those who do not know, this is the hugely popular and incredibly popular film that Disney stages. They do not include Dead Pool or Poison, which are separate deductibles and absolutely not for children. The films of the X-Men will not come into play either because those are, once again, a separate franchise and a convoluted chaos that is best if everyone starts to forget.
Let's do it.
Welcome to the first batch of Marvel a.k.a. Phase One. Considering that they started in 2008, you will probably notice that they are excessively masculine (and white) because at that moment the conventional wisdom is that girls do not acquire figures of action. Yes. So there's that information to deal with, and personally, from this group that I've only worn The Avengers for my daughter, who liked her only thanks to the black widow. If it shows interest in others, I would certainly leave it to look at them, but I'm not going to force you to sit down through 10 hours of men-heavy cinema. That said, Phase One's films are the most delicate of the group and each is a good moment.
There is only a red flag on it Iron man, which has revived the career of Robert Downey Jr. and for a long time made it the absolute center of these things: Tony Stark is a gentleman. This characterization traces with comics and is fortunately abandoned in subsequent films. But this does not change the fact that there are scenes in which our hero turns to bed with a journalist and basically has stripper attendants. Outside of this, it's a superhero movie in the street full of cartoon action. That is to say a guy with a robot suit that explodes things with his rocket hands before fighting a guy with an even bigger robot suit.
The incredible Hulk
A lot of people forget that there's a solo Hulk movie in the MCU, but it's actually a decent watch even though Edward Norton is later replaced by Mark Ruffalo. If your children do not get mad at the guys who turn into guys like scary monsters and destroy everything around them, they'll love it. There is a questionable scene where it is strongly implied that if Bruce Banner will have an erection he will turn into Hulk, which is easily my favorite piece of trivia about the Marvel movie. But it will jump right above your children's heads, so do not worry.
Iron Man 2
Here is where the seed is located The Avengers it really starts to be planted, or more precisely, dug at the expense of the plot. Questionable moments include Tony Stark's thoracic battery that kills him in a very visible way through most of the film, which translates into the fact that he is hammered at a party, and Scarlet Johansson's Black Widow is introduced with all kinds of allusions. . Otherwise, the robot dude explodes other things, but this time with a robot friend. Whee!
The Beefcake dude swinging a hammer in Shakespeare's space-viking drama. Questionable moments include charts of murder, female characters who are pining for the insane absurdities of the upper, and a brief moment when you think the mess is dead, that young children may not understand why they do not know that Chris Hemsworth has signed a contract of six photos.
Captain America: the first avenger
Basically, the first one Captain America it is a World War II film, although highly sanitized. So there's still a lot of warfare and the sad reality of soldiers in combat, but it's not like your kids are watching Save the soldier Ryan. The filmmakers are absolutely turning for a predators of the lost ark vibration. But unlike previous Marvel movies up to this point, this involves the death on the screen of a supporting character, leading Captain America to learn that his super strength prevents him from getting drunk. So expect some dark moment.
Oh, besides, I'm pretty sure they show how the Red Skull is made, and I mean that for a moment you see her face melts. Yet, Lost Ark atmosphere, so just a head there.
Marvel's The Avengers
Welcome to the big one. Silver tuna, Marv. Self The Avengers he did not make a metric head-to-head at the box office, we would not even have had this argument. But that's it, here's what you need to know before fucking your children in front of it. The main villain is Loki, who obviously survived at the end of Thorand he is a lot more evil this time. He expels a guy's eyeball very clearly, torments the Black Widow of his killer days as a KGB assassin, and graphically grabs a gentle and beloved character to death. Furthermore, there is a moment of genuine terror when Black Widow is trapped with Bruce Banner as he transforms into Hulk.
In addition to this, there is a weedy joke, Nick Fury says "stupid-ass", and the rest is more violence than cartoons, but on a massive scale, at city level, as every hero manages to shine while it is flanked by a generic alien invasion.
After the success of The Avengersit became obvious that Disney could have printed money with these puppies, but there was some hesitancy to color outside of the "Marvel Formula" even though the films took on a slightly darker tone. This resulted in a smattering of sequels with varying degrees of quality in Stage Two. However, Guardians of the Galaxy I've shown you can get a weird AF with these things and the MCU started creating the pieces for its last confrontation in Phase Three.
Iron Man 3
Following the events of The AvengersIron Man is crazy about the fact that aliens are real and capable of invading the Earth at any moment, which means understandably doing things at the head of a man. This translates into a Lethal Weapon– Funny fun while Tony struggles to face the PTSD while he spontaneously fights against the bad guys. Questionable moments include a terrorist attack that hurts a friendly character, the enraged villains whose skin becomes so hot that they explode, more terrorism, a female character is shot in cold blood, and a jarring death that eventually turns upside down. It's definitely a more violent turnaround for Iron Man movies, so proceed with caution. (Also, why do I still imagine a giant stuffed bunny with tits?
Thor: The Dark World
Unlike the first Thor film, this is a mandatory and confusing confusion of evil space elves and Natalie Portman who is infected by an Infinite Stone. (What's an infinite stone? Magic space rocks that feed a magical space glove.) We'll leave it to that.) Iron Man 3, Thor: The Dark World it increases violence specifically with the shocking death of a character who has left my daughter in tears. There is also a scene in which Thor loses an arm and another key character is stabbed to death. Of course, both are reversed, but your children will not know it while it's happening.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
While The soldier of Winter he is often revered as one of the gods, if not the best Marvel film of all time, it should definitely pause parents. On the one hand, in its essence, it is literally a film about the lasting power of friendship. On the other hand, it is wickedly brutal. I'm talking about the Jason Bourne style fight choreography with a good deal of shootings. The bodies are left to fall into this thing. (At this point, I should also note that a woman is being killed in cold blood, which is now the second time I just wrote it, wonder.) However, violence increases the drama of the title villain, which is apparently a ruthless killer machine that tests Captain America for its physical and emotional limitations. The film also makes an excellent use of Black Widow that is the same as Cap in almost every way, and my daughter has asked me to watch it after seeing it on the cover, which is like all the violence is fresh in my mind. You tend to notice these things when you're sitting next to a student and you realize that you're the idiot who hit "Play".
That said, she beloved and has been completely invested in the fate of the characters. That speaks of the narrative strength of the film and of the fact that the Winter Soldier is the best thing to get out of the MCU. Fight me.
Guardians of the Galaxy
And now the real moral dilemma. Guardians of the Galaxy it's full of colorful characters that are almost impossible to not love for kids, which is why it was completely destroyed at the box office. A tree that walks and talks and a raccoon with a machine gun? Come on, come on. However, GOTG has a decidedly raunchier tone than the other Marvel movies, and the protagonist is a space thief feminizer who sleeps the alien chicks and then forgets to be in his spaceship. Nice guy, right? Run into a team of drunken and drunken space criminals, and things get even more difficult. There is also the problem of the opening scene of the film, which involves the character of Chris Pratt as a kid who – wait for him – he literally observes that his mother dies of cancer. It's a blow to emotional gut on par with the start of On, which makes the rest of the film so strange Star Wars with jokes. In conclusion: you may want to see this first, then make the call.
The Avengers: the era of Ultron
Keeping in tone with phase two, The Avengers: the era of Ultron It's a bit darker adventure for The Avengers, and there's still an ongoing debate about whether it's better or worse than its predecessor. But while it is certainly more chaotic, thanks to the franchised bribes, for the most part, has the same amount of land mines as the first parents. It's an embarrassing subplot involving Black Widow who tries to connect with Bruce Banner and reveals that he can not have children, Thor sees disturbing visions of his people's apocalypse, Ultron straight to snatch a guy's arm , and a hero is killed in action, but a minor one, so the emotional mileage may vary.
Absolutely crazy "delicious. If you are observing these things in order – and God help you if you have it – you will cry almost as much as it is light and fun Ant man is. Seriously, if you've been out of your mind of these movies and you want to throw away your kids, you can not go wrong Ant man. Enter it. Go read a book and / or feel like thinking for two hours. You are welcome.
Welcome to the third phase of the Marvel film universe. This is where things really start to heat up while our heroes are torn apart, put back together, and then torn to pieces as the MCU gets richer with each film. And if all this becomes too much, sweet, beautiful, family friendly, Ant-Man is back to lighten things up with a new kickass partner.
Captain America civil war
Captain America civil war It's a sticky wicket. At first glance, it contains one of the most beautiful scenes of action of each of these films. It is a joy and a cinematic joy that is the closest thing I have ever seen looking at a comic book battle that comes to life. (Yup, infinite war it's up there, but there's something special about the airport showdown.) Anyway, the rest of Civil war it is a thematically rich review of the backlash of The Avengers' actions. This film goes to places and grapples with some heavy poop including learning that a character did something particularly atrocious to another character in the past. Sure, there's an explanation for those actions, but this movie breaks The Avengers aside, and there are no easy answers about who's right.
That said, Black Panther and Spider-Man make their debut at the MCU, so this puts you in a brine and I honestly do not know what to tell you. But if you have made the mistake of letting your children watch Batman V Superman, so you'll be totally sure by letting them look Civil war, blowing BvS away in any way possible. It is not even a fair fight.
You let your children look at the first one Iron man? Fantastic, this is literally the exact same plot but with magic instead of a robot costume and less charisma. Personally, I was not a fan of watching an arrogant white, douchebag become "The One" as we've seen a hundred times before, but my son absolutely loved it and Doctor Strange is one of his favorite characters. There are very few questionable moments, except for brief talks about two characters sleeping together, an almost comically strident car accident at the start and your superhero violence. A sweet vision though.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
True story, after seeing Doctor StrangeI was 95% on these movies. I have been excluded, e Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 It did not help. Not only did it greatly affect the vulgarity of the first film – I took my son to see him in the cinemas and saw red halfway. – but there is only one useless media strip that cuts the whole film. It took fascinating characters and leaned too hard on the ass part of "adorable balls". Beyond that, it has almost zero connections with the general narrative it brings to infinite war, so the whole movie was free in every sense. Just like the first GOTG, definitely the screen before you blow your children in front of it. Do not be fooled by Baby Groot.
Spider-Man: return home
Outside of a porn joke and the unfortunate nickname "Penis Parker", Spider-Man: return home it's on par with Ant man as absolute delight. It's just a beautiful moment that both kids have loved, and it's easily one of the group's most amiable family films that does not suffer at all. It is not an easy rope to walk.
In a dramatically tonal change, Thor: Ragnarok Thor completely revisits the movies by turning them into a real action comedy years & # 80; This thing absolutely It owns. However, parents should know that it increases the vulgarity of a notch, there are two jokes for adults that will fly over small heads, the bad guy is particularly murderous, I think a guy loosens from Jeff Goldblum, and if your kids have some passionate memory of Compagni di Thor from the first two films, they will not like what happens to them. So maybe project it, but I say it with less conviction than with Guardians of the Galaxy and his exasperating following.
While I have my opinion on the unfinished CGI in the final battle, as much as it is a fun movie that the whole family can watch, Black Panther crushes. Of course, yet another episode focused on men, the supporting female characters are so tough that they virtually steal the entire film. During the chase scene in Seoul, my daughter completely lost her head when Okoye climbed to the top of the car, and she started shouting "Who are these people ?!" (we were at home, do not worry). my favorite memories to watch favorite movies. As for violence, Michael B. Jordan leaves some bodies, but overall it's nothing out of the norm.
Avengers: Infinity War
And finally, the moment when all 85 of these films led to: Avengers: Infinity War. It is the culmination of ten years of the entire film universe Marvel and is a beast for a film. Unfortunately it is not kid-friendly. From the jump, Thanos is slaughtering people right and left, including the main characters, and the film is a grisly build up to an even darker ending. There is also a very convincing argument to do infinite war unintentionally condones abuse. But the main elephant in the room is the finale, which is why I highly recommend selecting the film before making a decision about how your children will respond to it. I sat in a theater with small children that were absolutely bawling when the credits hit. The events that occur are extremely dramatic, and there is a very emotional moment that has even shaken my son for a minute. The most frustrating thing is that almost certainly these events will be reversed, but that does not change the fact that your child has seen only a little bit of shit. So, again, give a preview and do not feel bad if you wait for this. My daughter knows that the characters are dying, and she is upset to tell us she does not want to see him.
Ant-Man and The Wasp
Absolutely crazy "delicious. If you are observing these things in order – and God help you if you have it – you will cry almost as much as it is light and fun Ant-Man and The Wasp is. Seriously, if you've been out of your mind of these movies and you want to throw away your kids, you can not go wrong Ant-Man and The Wasp. Enter it. Go read a book and / or feel like thinking for two hours. You are welcome.
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