Dear Amy: I am a homosexual man who has had a relationship with the same man for 25 years.
Both families have supported our relationship over the years.
During the Christmas holidays we usually receive Christmas cards from the side of my partner of the family with the annual letters.
These letters usually tell stories about the events of the current year.
What troubles me every year is that some of the Christmas cards are only addressed to my partner's name if the family member knows me very well and knows about our long relationship.
As far as the letters within these Christmas cards are concerned, many of them mention my partner but do not say anything about me!
I imagine that some members of my partner's family may find it strange to write something about me and that I should explain who I am to someone else who receives the Christmas cards with letters in them.
I expressed my feeling of disappointment to my partner. He usually only says that he does not understand it and that we should not give this interest.
Although I agree with the position of my partner, I am still stuck with what is the right thing to do. What do you think?
Disappointed at Christmas
Disappointed at Christmas: I agree with you that it is disrespectful for these family members to basically deny your presence in your partner's life by not giving cards to you and by not accepting or even acknowledging them in their annual stories.
Your partner should discuss this with his parents (and perhaps also with more distant relatives), not only by saying that this is annoying and impolite, but to give them a different direction: "Mom and Dad, we love you Christmas letter, but can you please remember that I have a life partner? He is a member of the family and it is embarrassing if you let him in. To be honest, this exclusion hurts both feelings. "
That said, most people who write Christmas letters write the most passionately and extensively about their immediate family members (children, grandchildren). In-laws and partners must be mentioned by name.
You should also help to put the page on this by publishing your own Christmas letter. Model the behavior and tone you would like to see – with you and your husband side by side, communicating as equals and family members.
Dear Amy: I have been together with my boyfriend for more than seven years. We are both 35.
We are both dedicated, love each other and have similar goals. We have just bought a house together.
I do not need marriage as an expression of love, but for practical reasons and also for the annoying social reasons (I would not want to be touched / embarrassed so often to still use the word "boyfriend"). I never wanted a wedding, but now … I really want to get married.
He thinks that marriage is not necessary. I noticed that I was getting angry and now I no longer know what to do. Can you help?
Leaning towards marriage
Leaning to marriage: Please do not say to yourself that being "touched" is such an irritation that it forces you to marry. First of all, getting married will not change that (if you think it would happen, just wear a band on your left and move it to the next person you hit).
Especially the reasons why you say you want to get married are silly red herring. (In addition, you know.)
Marriage is bigger and more important than that.
It is fine to get married, and after more than seven years of being with your husband, marriage seems like a natural next step, unless of course you do not need a marriage concept from your friend go along and not speak from your own heart.
What you have to do now is talk about it. Tell him, "Honey, I have news." It turns out that I want to get married. "This feeling seems to have made me fool, but now that I know I feel that way, I have to talk about it."
Dear Amy: Why were you so hard for those poor grandparents "Unmerry Christmas" who just wanted to see their first grandchild on his first Christmas? I felt so sorry for these people whose in-laws were so rude on Christmas Day.
Mad at you
Mad at you: Many people responded in the same way. I was worried that this couple admitted that they had "crashed" the house of the great-grandparents on Christmas Day.
Frankly, all parties should behave differently.