Conflict management: tooth to tooth leads only to the oral surgeon

                                                                Page 1 – Tooth to tooth leads only to the oral surgeon

Page 2 – Pausing to serenity

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The other day I met a woman at a party who called men fat white cocks. And yourself, yes, women in general, as Fotzenschleim. I asked myself: Is that really serious? Or am I at Hidden Camera?
        Mona Kino, born in 1966, is a writer, certified family counselor and empathy coach. In December 2016, her last filmed screenplay "Die Habenichtse" after the novel by Katharina Hacker. She is currently writing a blog about her empathy education and a screenplay on domestic violence. She is a guest author from "10 to 8".

                        © Florian Hoffmeister
Her speech irritated me, even though she came along witty and I share the overall in their statements noticeable motivation to advocate for a better society, quite well. For me, just does not belong to turning the tables as a woman now. What does it bring, men in general and, to some extent, as compensation for the fact that they provided us women for centuries only church, kitchen, children to face with such abasement? And then to take on the part assigned to men, reduce the opposite to their genitals – no, no, I thought, tooth to tooth leads nowhere.
            Through my work as an empathy coach, I am interested in how we can improve relationships in conflict. It's no use fighting the same with like. Or, as Albert Einstein says: "Problems can never be solved with the way of thinking that created them."
            So get out of the comfort zone of our thinking. When it comes to changing the way we relate to each other – man and woman, woman and woman, man and man – we need to examine whether those ways of thinking that existed at the time of the Old Testament or in the fifties, sixties, and seventies were consistent with the respective company, should also have 2018 still exist. What kind of thinking is taking us today as a society as well as men and women closer to each other again? At the moment, it seems to me, we are getting away from each other.
            However, most people do not like to be outside the comfort zone. The two percent who do that are usually the ones we admire for their courage to risk something completely new. In addition, one may now object that many with the old and one could say: undignified way of thinking indeed get ahead – and sit in high positions. Right. But if we do not begin to think our togetherness new and different and more dignified, we will be each other more enemy than friend. We rush to this abyss. Conflicts can usually be resolved if the participants meet each other in dignity.
But how can we change our way of thinking in such a way that we continue mirroring unfamiliar behavior? That we do not reinforce stereotypes?

Infobox 10 to 8

About "10 to 8"

Women write. In this column in the evening, at 10 to 8, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, political, poetic, polemical.
                                                                    We, the editors from 10 to 8, are a versatile and changeable author collective. We find that our society needs more female voices in public. We think that these voices should be diverse. We do not represent ideology and disagree. But we think feminism is important because justice in society concerns us all. We would like to exchange ideas with our readers. And with our guest authors.
                                                                    Here you will find all the texts that appear 10 to 8.

About the authors

The editors of 10 to 8 consists of:
                                                                    Marion Detjen, a contemporary historian
Hella Dietz, sociologist
Heike-Melba Fendel, author and owner of the artist and event agency Barbarella Entertainment
Annett Gröschner, freelance author
Mascha Jacobs, journalist, publisher of the magazine Pop. Culture and criticism
Stefanie Lohaus, journalist, editor of Missy Magazine
Lina Muzur, Program Manager of Aufbau-Verlag
Catherine Newmark, cultural journalist
Annika Reich, writer
Elisabeth Wellershaus, journalist
It's actually quite simple: pause, perceive for a moment, what's going on in us right now and match that with what we want. We only do that too rarely. On the one hand, because people like to cling to habits and avoid the unknown; it has to be tough, so that we dare to do something new, the consequences of which we can not yet estimate. On the other hand, because we confuse pausing with endurance or with rigidity.

The gain of this brief moment of pausing is, however, immense: it allows the composure to respond even in challenging situations with interest in the otherness of the other. Stay open instead of fleeing in polemics. "In truth," once said a wise teacher of mine, "it is the similarities that separate us." When interlocutors fight downs and polemics, they have different opinions, but they behave the same.